I give myself permission…

Sorry folks, but it’s true. As I posted on Facebook yesterday, “I give myself permission to fail.”

I know, this from the girl who was so up about NaNo! But that was all for show, hoping my bravado would be enough motivation. But you know what? It’s just not gonna happen for me this year, and I accept that. I think I may try to get to 25k new words total, which is still a huge success in my opinion. This will include just new fiction, not any notes, but will be Cassandra plus Disco World. So that’s just under 8,000 more to go, which means I’m about a third of the way to my new goal.

That means no NaNo winner t-shirt or certificate, which is sad, and no free CreateSpace book. And that’s sad. But with all that life has thrown at me this month, that’s okay. 25k is enough for me. I have not written anything yesterday or today, and tomorrow I don’t know. But that’s okay. IT’S OKAY! It’s okay to fail. It’s actually so freeing for me to give myself that permission.

I felt like I couldn’t just decide for myself, I had to do the “ritual” of posting that on Facebook for everyone to see. That action was like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. I mean, just think how much sweeter it will be to win next year if I’m coming off a loss! It’s exciting. NaNo is not about winning. As Miley Cyrus says (yeah, I’m going there), “There’s always gonna be another mountain… it’s the climb.” The climb this year may only be halfway up the mountain when I’m all done, but that’s a lot higher up than a lot of people go. And I’m okay with that.

Nobody is perfect, and this is one way of showing that I am beautifully imperfect. I admit it, life is more important to me than writing. Taking care of my new husband, who is stubborn but who listens to my logical arguments and accepts that I am right about certain things, is more important than writing 50,000 words this month.

I had a feeling I would have trouble with NaNo this year, and that gut feeling was right. Now I have released myself from the pressure and stress of 50k, and I am at peace with failure.