My husband’s surgery was just about two months ago (February 3). He has been battling depression for months before that, feeling like he can’t do anything right and, lately, feeling emasculated because he is out of work until June 1 (surgeon’s orders) and therefore he’s left me as the sole breadwinner, and I’ve had to take over paying the full rent instead of just half so his savings can stretch further for his other bills. In addition, I took a $1700 loan from one of my credit cards to put into his checking account as cash for his bills, since he was almost out of cash, and I told him I’ll do it again on another card if I have to.
Here’s the interesting thing. He’s on Facebook tonight (still at my Mom and Dad’s for one more week of full-time care before he comes home to more independence while I’m at work). And he’s posting all this stuff about a change of heart, a new perspective. “Something today has me looking in a whole new direction and it feels good.” He can’t articulate what exactly caused this change, but he’s so damn upbeat now it’s like… where did that come from? I love the positivity, but why couldn’t I get through to him about it?
My FEELING was even more Wife: Fail! because the THOUGHT is that as his wife, I should be able to help him, and clearly I was not what he needed. Or at least not at that time. (Self-Coaching again here, thanks Brooke! …seriously, listen to the telecall, it changed my life.) So I stopped myself when I realized that I was throwing myself a pity party, and I closed my eyes mid-chat with my husband, and I repeated three times my new mantra, “It doesn’t matter that he didn’t get it from me, all that matters is that he got it.”
Because you know what? It’s not about ME, it’s about HIM and his new-found respect for himself and new sense of purpose.