Tonight I will be attending a program at my library with a psychic medium reading the audience. My parents were going to be coming with me, but something came up and they will not be there. I do have two women in particular who passed that I would like to hear from, but I honestly feel “unworthy.” I have unresolved feelings that I hope to get some answers to in each case, but I sort of feel like I don’t deserve a reading. I wasn’t an adult when my grandmother died, I was barely an adult when my aunt died. A coworker whose husband died a few years ago deserves to hear from him. Other people have more pressing questions. Those kinds of feelings. So I would like to hear messages from beyond the grave, but I am… not skeptical of the process, but doubtful that I will be that lucky.

So this morning I brought my Magical Mermaids and Dolphins cards to work with me so I could pull a card. I have a ritual when I use this deck. I ask my question, which is always “What do I need to know about ______?” I shuffle three times, I place the top card on the bottom of the deck, and I flip over the whole stack. I only use one card. My intuitive response and reading of the card usually make sense to me, even though sometimes the LWB meanings do not. I do like to read the LWB pages anyway. As you can see above, I had not one but TWO cards fall out while I was shuffling. The first to fall out was Break Free, the second was Pay Attention, and the card I pulled was Stay Optimistic.

Notes from LWB:

Break Free – “Try different ventures and experiences as a way to grow and learn.”
Sometimes we get into ruts and routines because they feel safe and comfortable. By drawing this card, you’re asked to swim outside your comfort zone. It’s time to take risks and explore new ways of thinking, making a living, or being in relationships.
When you make the commitment to explore and experiment, the world responds by giving you wonderful new experiences. Heaven isn’t necessarily asking you to settle into these new waters and venture out. Sometimes we’ll experiment and learn new things, and then when we return to our comfortable old routines, we’re changed (for the better). This is definitely a time for you to reach out and enjoy new options. Try something new today!

Pay Attention – “Notice repetitious signs and your inner guidance, as this can yield valuable information.”
Heaven is giving you important messages, and by drawing this card, you’re asked to pay extra attention to them. Notice conversations you overhear, comments made to you by others, and inner feelings and thoughts. Look for common threads among the signs, as they’re forms of guidance to help you manifest your Divine purpose and desires.
It’s not your imagination that Heaven is sending you signs and Divine guidance. Anytime you hear or feel something three or more times, especially within a short time period, it’s information worthy of your attention. These signs also give you feedback about your current belief system, since your thoughts attract mirroring experiences. Use these signs to heal beliefs that dishonor you, and swim in the direction that your guidance points you.

Stay Optimistic – “Your dreams are coming true. Don’t quit right before the miracle occurs.”
This is it — your time has come! You’re about to collect your rewards, and your prayers will be answered. However, a bit more patience and guided action on your part is required. You’re just about there, and this card asks you to keep your faith about miracles and heavenly magic.
Use your imagination to visualize that your dreams have already come true. Your heart will swell with gratitude and joy, and these emotions will speed up your desired manifestations. Before long, you’ll be enjoying the tangible results.

Wow. To me, this is a very powerful reading. It tells me to go, even without the “safety net” of my parents being with me. (i.e. – If I don’t get a message but Mom does, I won’t feel disappointed.) First, I’ve never been in the presence of a psychic medium, let alone getting a reading, so it’s definitely something new and out of my comfort zone. Pay attention tells me that this is not something to miss. And I want to hear from my Aunt Helen, and yesterday I saw white butterflies that always make me think of her (when I see them I always say, “Hi Helen!”), so maybe that was her gentle encouragement to go. And of course, Stay Optimistic is a very clear message that I shouldn’t let fear of not getting a reading myself stop me from attending the program. Especially the part about not quitting right before the miracle occurs, because hearing messages from the dead definitely qualifies as a genuine miracle. Maybe I will hear from my loved ones, or maybe I just need to go and learn from messages that are given to other people. No matter what, the Universe (and the cards) are telling me in no uncertain terms to go to the program.

Questions I have. For my Grandmother, I want to know if she knows how I reacted after she passed away, and if she has anything to share about that. (I’m not going into details here, because it’s very personal and I have never spoken about the specifics to anyone.) And I want to know if she will mention that I use marjoram in my spaghetti sauce because I like that the name makes me think of her, Marjorie.

For “Grandma I mean Aunt Helen,” because she was the closest thing to a grandmother that I knew on my mom’s side of the family, I have a lot more. I want to know what she thinks of me teaching my kids to say hello to white butterflies. I want to know if it was her, as I suspect, who my infant daughter was laughing at one day as she seemed to be looking at nothing; who went away and made my daughter get upset and look around to see where she had gone; who came back and made my daughter smile and laugh again, looking at the same place in the room near the ceiling. I want to know if she’s the one who turns on my children’s toys occasionally when nobody is nearby, which always makes me think it’s Helen being mischievous. I have always felt that she watched over my daughter’s soul before she was born (I don’t have any thoughts on my son, but I’m sure someone was there for him too), and I want to know if that’s true. If I don’t get validation, I will continue to believe it because the thought is so comforting to me. My daughter’s middle name is Helen, and while she is technically named for three Helens (my aunt, her mother, and my mother-in-law’s mother), at my core I know that the “real” Helen she’s named for is my aunt.

I wonder if I will hear from people I never met but should have, who died before I was born. My mother’s parents. My father’s father. And I want to know if anyone will reach out to my mother through me. She has so many, many people that she would love to hear from. Her father, who died when she was 3 weeks old. Her mother, who died when she was 21 and broke a piece of my mother’s heart that can never recover. A brother. Her niece and nephew who both died at age 49. And of course her sister Helen, who was her best friend. She does genealogy, and she made Helen promise to get information for her, and I think she’s still waiting 17 years later.

Deck: Magical Mermaids and Dolphins oracle cards